RAPE

I was watching the news the other day and they were reporting on a woman who was raped. Her car had broken down and she chose to walk home. She had walked a significant part of the way when a man stopped and offered her a ride home. He instead drove her to the park and even though she jumped out of his vehicle and ran, he caught up to her and raped her. The spokesperson for the police department described the situation and then stated..."we cannot require everyone to not take rides from strangers but...". So, he has already blamed the victim for her own rape because she chose to get into the car with a stranger. That really made me angry. I understand that women need to take safety precautions, but why do we live in a society where that is necessary? Why is it that in a moment of crisis the foremost thing on our mind is that we may be raped, beaten or murdered???

Adrienne Rich commented on this in her article "Taking Women Students Seriously". This is a long quote, but it is well worth the read.

"The undermining of self, of a woman's sense of her right to occupy space and walk freely in the world, is deeply relevant to education. The capacity to think independently, to take intellectual risks, to assert ourselves mentally, is inseperable from our physical way of being in the world, our feelings of personal integrity. If it is dangerous for me to walk home late of an evening from the library, because I am a woman and can be raped, how self-possessed, how exuberant can I feel as I sit working in that library? how much of my working energy is drained by the subliminal knowledge that, as a woman, I test my physical right to exist each time I go out alone? Of this knowledge, Susan Griffin has written: '...more than rape itself, the fear of rape permeates our lives. And what does one do from day to day, with this experience, which says, without words and directly to the heart, your existence, your experience, may end at any moment. Your experience may end, and the best defense against this is not to be, to deny being in the body, as a self, to...avert your gaze, make yourself as a presence in the world, less felt'".

I wonder how many men, when their car breaks down, are worried about whether they will be raped, beaten or murdered?

I worry about being raped, beaten or murdered every night when I lock my doors before I go to bed.

Rather than a focus on how pathetic this society is that a woman's car can break down and she ended up raped, we focus on the fact that in that moment of crisis she wasn't considering the fact that she would be raped. I personally am sick and tired of the way rape is always thrown back on the victim because they didn't make the right choice, wore the wrong clothes, they were drunk, whatever stupid excuse men can come up with for why women get raped or why they feel women deserve to be raped.

From my Wild Words from Wild Women daily calendar:

"You always know when the relationship is over. Little things start grating on your nerves. 'Would you please stop that? That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'" - Ellen DeGeneres

MY NEW LIFE

I had a life altering day yesterday and my life will never be the same. I spoke to an old friend of mine that I had left behind and his life was good and wonderful. When I heard this I felt a twinge of jealousy as we normally would speak about the problems in our lives. I cried deeply after I finished talking to him because I realized that he had moved on with his life...and I had not. I realized yesterday that when I moved time stopped for me and probably long before then. In my mind everyone is exactly the way that I left them. In my mind, no one has aged and they are the same. It feels like those who hurt me did it just yesterday. Time stopped for me and I stopped living. I have been living on auto pilot for the last ten years or so only becoming remotely aware that I was alive when I hurt. When I close my eyes the pain that I felt seems like it happened just yesterday. When I open my eyes and I count the time since the actual event I realize it has been five years, ten years, sometimes longer yet it feels just like yesterday. In my mind those who have hurt me are still the same but they moved on...I did not. I stopped living and I have not been consciously living for a very long time. I have emulated living by copying those around me so that I could resemble a living person. My soul was dying and yesterday it died. Today I woke up and it was just another ordinary day, but as the day moved on something amazing happened. I taped the Oprah show from Thursday and she had the creator of "The Secret". I watched part of the episode on Friday and the rest this evening. I don't think that my life will ever be the same. I continued by watching "The Secret" DVD and I know that my life will never be the same. In my mind I have stood still while the world has continued to move. I have lived by the standards of everyone around me but not my own. My soul died a slow methodical death and I am solely responsible for its death. I realized that it is time to let go of the past. I realized that I have been recreating the past over and over again in my mind and it has manifested itself into my life. I have lived with pain, jealousy, envy and anger and it has manifested itself into my life. I am releasing my past. The past is the past and I know longer wish to live there. Though I am grateful that my past experiences have brought me to the point I am now I no longer want my past to determine my future. Fear is no longer a part of my life. I have spent so many years searching for my purpose never understanding that I determine my purpose...ME...I determine it! Joy determines my participation in activities. I come first and I rule my universe. I rule my life. Those who hurt me, controlled me and dominated me do not rule my life...I DO! My soul has been reborn today, my energy has been renewed. I am living a life of bliss, happiness, and blessings beyond my comprehension. I am grateful that I have been given this wonderful life and that I have been given the opportunity to participate in this life. The epiphany I called to me has finally come. I am new. I am free. I only need to dream and to take part in what the universe has to offer. I do not need to plan and calculate the how...it is already being done for me. I AM FREE!