A New Earth - Eckhart Tolle

Chapter One

I have been consumed by this book since I began to read it. I find it quite interesting that I have had this book for several months now and have never picked it up to read it. It was an e-mail from Oprah.com that led me to pull the book off the shelf and begin to read. I find that I am fitting in little times to read whenever I can in my ridiculously busy schedule because there is something about the words in this book that speak directly to my soul. My mind is bypassed and my soul is invigorated everytime I read this book. I feel as if the truth is being spoken to me for the first time in my life. I am amazed - I am taken aback. There are so many things so far that have spoken directly to me.

I have known since my earliest memory that there was something else out there for me. That what I was seeing, what I was experiencing, was not all that there was in this world. I have known that I would serve a special purpose; something so much more than what I was living. I have picked up pieces of this puzzle throughout my life - a little piece here, a little piece there. I have felt lost wandering around aimlessly searching for the missing pieces to the mystery of my life. There have been tragedies, pain, and unspeakable acts and yet I continued to collect those pieces as I moved through life. Did I know I was doing this at the time? NO! Reading this book is pulling them all together. I was compelled to purchase this book several months ago for no particular reason - now I know why. I was not ready to read it then, but the universe knew that I would not have purchased this book or participated in reading it right now without having already owned it. It was the ease of having it on my shelf - the instance access into a new world - something I have been preparing for intensely for the past year without ever knowing it.

How does it come together? "What a liberation to realize that the 'voice in my head' is not who I am. Who am I then? The one that sees that. The awareness that is prior to the thought, the space in which the thought - or the emotion or sense perception - happens." (p. 22)

I have struggled with that voice my entire life - that incessant negative chatter that has feared me into so many dark places. I have fought hard to change it and yet it always prevails. I have taken medication to get it to shut up. I have drank enormous amounts of alcohol to get it to stop. I have buried myself in food to hide from it. It never goes away. What a liberating idea that I am not that voice! My reflection to others is not what this voice says and yet I could not seem to seperate who they could see from the voice inside my head. They would say I was wonderful - it would say I was horrible. I was convinced I was a fraud and if anyone found out what was really going on in my head they would realize what I fraud I really was. They would hate me, disown me - I would be all alone for ever. So, I have retreated away from everyone, never having any close relationships in the past 3 1/2 years. I have tried to hide that incessant chatter from everyone else and yet I continued to receive positive feedback on who I am. I was already split in two without understanding. What I thought was a fraud is who I am, what convinced me that I was a fraud was my ego.

Have I become so liberated that I am completely free? NO. But I feel like getting on the roof and shouting to everyone that there is more - there is more. This book feeds my soul in a way nothing else has. I cannot explain the energy my body feels when I read it, the stillness of my mind as I ingest the words. I am nearly through chapter 2 and I already feel a new sense of self coming forth, a new sense of peace. I feel like I found a beautiful sparkling gem amongst the garbage and decay. I feel a sense of hope for the first time in my entire life. I have collected another puzzle piece from this book for my journey and it is that center piece, the one on which you build all the other pieces. I think I have highlighted nearly every passage - these words have given much needed nourishment to my shrinking, starved soul. Thank you to Eckhart Tolle for speaking truth - for sharing truth and thank you to Oprah for recognizing truth and putting it in a place where it cannot be ignored.