DREAMS

Isn't it funny how just when you think you have figured everything out something changes. I thought I had finally found my calling, my purpose, my reason for being on this hopeless earth and then I read a book. Strange but true, I read a book and a light came on. I guess that might be the epiphany I have been waiting for my whole life. Funny, I thought it would be much more earth shattering. Anyway, I'll take what I can get. I realized while reading this book that I want to be a writer more than anything else in the world. The book I was reading was about tuning in to your intuition and sixth sensory capabilities and out of nowhere it just hits me. I WANT TO BE A WRITER! This is quite an inconvenience because I have been dreaming, scheming, and preparing for law school for the last two years.

I can remember (I have very minimal memories of childhood) writing illustrious stories in grade school. I would just write and write and write. As I grew older and the world became more ominous I wrote poetry. Sad, depressing, heart wrenching poetry. Only pain could make me write poetry. If there was no tortured soul...there was no poetry. I eventually grew out of poetry and just stopped writing when I learned how to numb the pain.

I dream of writing, I buy lots and lots of journals; all empty of course. I think that if I buy the right journal or the right pen I will be able to sit down and write again. This never happens. If it did I would have filled many journals by now. Believe me, I have lots to say. Those who know me know this! They can't get a word in when talking with me! I have a weird writing block or phobia or something that keeps me from writing in journals. Probably some way to keep from dealing with issues and prolong my misery. I can't seem to write the first word. I just let thoughts run through my head like a news ticker and it just goes on and on. My mind moves so quickly that I could not write fast enough to get everything down. I would forget that wonderful line I had or that life altering thought if I took the time to write it down. Unfortunately I forget anyway...because I didn't write it down. Go figure!

I wonder...what do you do to become a writer? I have plenty to say but I'm not sure people want to hear about it. I have plenty of opinions but I am sure no one wants to hear about them. I have a sad history that keeps repeating itself that gossipers may want to hear about; but what do I really have? What peaks someones interest enough to be swallowed up by what I have to say? Hmmm.... Dreams..... why are they so difficult? I would really like a dream fairy to stop by and drop off my dream list with the "how to" instructions still attached! Do I really have to figure this out on my own? I don't even know where to begin. Sadly, I will be graduating soon with two degrees not remotely intertwined with writing. Well, I guess that depends on what you are writing. I don't want to write the world's best novel. I just want to write things that make people think. Real life things that people can relate to. Things that people think in their minds but are too afraid to write in a journal or tell their friends and family. I want to inspire someone to help change the world. I want to show people who I really am; something I cannot do in person. Hmmm..... Dreams..... Where's my fairy godmother??? Uh...I guess if I am going to ask that I might as well ask...where the hell is my prince???