MY NEW LIFE

I had a life altering day yesterday and my life will never be the same. I spoke to an old friend of mine that I had left behind and his life was good and wonderful. When I heard this I felt a twinge of jealousy as we normally would speak about the problems in our lives. I cried deeply after I finished talking to him because I realized that he had moved on with his life...and I had not. I realized yesterday that when I moved time stopped for me and probably long before then. In my mind everyone is exactly the way that I left them. In my mind, no one has aged and they are the same. It feels like those who hurt me did it just yesterday. Time stopped for me and I stopped living. I have been living on auto pilot for the last ten years or so only becoming remotely aware that I was alive when I hurt. When I close my eyes the pain that I felt seems like it happened just yesterday. When I open my eyes and I count the time since the actual event I realize it has been five years, ten years, sometimes longer yet it feels just like yesterday. In my mind those who have hurt me are still the same but they moved on...I did not. I stopped living and I have not been consciously living for a very long time. I have emulated living by copying those around me so that I could resemble a living person. My soul was dying and yesterday it died. Today I woke up and it was just another ordinary day, but as the day moved on something amazing happened. I taped the Oprah show from Thursday and she had the creator of "The Secret". I watched part of the episode on Friday and the rest this evening. I don't think that my life will ever be the same. I continued by watching "The Secret" DVD and I know that my life will never be the same. In my mind I have stood still while the world has continued to move. I have lived by the standards of everyone around me but not my own. My soul died a slow methodical death and I am solely responsible for its death. I realized that it is time to let go of the past. I realized that I have been recreating the past over and over again in my mind and it has manifested itself into my life. I have lived with pain, jealousy, envy and anger and it has manifested itself into my life. I am releasing my past. The past is the past and I know longer wish to live there. Though I am grateful that my past experiences have brought me to the point I am now I no longer want my past to determine my future. Fear is no longer a part of my life. I have spent so many years searching for my purpose never understanding that I determine my purpose...ME...I determine it! Joy determines my participation in activities. I come first and I rule my universe. I rule my life. Those who hurt me, controlled me and dominated me do not rule my life...I DO! My soul has been reborn today, my energy has been renewed. I am living a life of bliss, happiness, and blessings beyond my comprehension. I am grateful that I have been given this wonderful life and that I have been given the opportunity to participate in this life. The epiphany I called to me has finally come. I am new. I am free. I only need to dream and to take part in what the universe has to offer. I do not need to plan and calculate the how...it is already being done for me. I AM FREE!